I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize