it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
