Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I would ride that face into the sunset
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
