Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Randomize
