im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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