i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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