My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
