I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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