Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
