It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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