I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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