yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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