I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize