I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
