and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
