i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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