dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
