I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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