Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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