i was born a porn star she said
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He called his prostate his "boner button".
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
