this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
