Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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