I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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