i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
