So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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