i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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