My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
