K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
