you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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