There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He passed out mid-signature
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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