Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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