dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
