If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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