I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
