You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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