I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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