Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
