i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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