No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
