I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Blood and glitter go together right?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
