You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
