Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
