and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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