i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
