Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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