do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
