He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
