I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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