I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
