why didn't you poke me back
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
