If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
