I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm just crazy horny about you
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The cops high fived after they tackled you
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
