somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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