Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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