There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
