you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
