Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
