You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
