A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
