do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
