Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
