And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
