Just cropdusted the office
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
