That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
it's like iHOP with fire
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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