i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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