is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
