I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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