you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
now i know why i became what i already was.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
