You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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