I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
