So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
