Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
