i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
