There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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