I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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