oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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