I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
