I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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