Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
It's Friday. Sex?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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