farters have to be the big spoon...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
