the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
