That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
