Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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