Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
