break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
