it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
