So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
