I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
