I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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