when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
