if i can run in heels then i can drive
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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