My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
